Confidence is an elusive characteristic for me. I have been conditioned all my life to believe that being invisible and low-maintenance was a virtue. My subconscious has observed my surroundings with hyper-vigilance to know when I’d be better served by playing small rather than being myself. The few times in my life that I have felt confident is when I have felt safe to come out of my shell and be the bubbly, outgoing girl I am in those moments. Any other time that I have appeared confident, I was likely faking it.
The first five years of my exploration into my business was a facade. I was hiding behind a face so I could show up and pretend that I had my act together, but I was forcing myself so I could appear confident. This has gotten me nowhere. I spent those five years in deep anxiety and deficiency. I tried to force my creativity, force my personality, and force myself to appear how I believed I was expected to appear.
After a two-year hiatus, my whole world view has taken a 180. I’m beginning to deconstruct my experiences and expose my vulnerabilities to accept myself as I am, embrace myself for who I am, and explore the existing potential within myself as I allow my true self to bubble up to the service. I create my own sense of safety to truly show up for myself and the possibility that I have value for who I am and what I have to offer.