Day 1: Your Confidence Truth

Confidence feels like an old-growth forest. Established. Steady. Solid. Interconnected. Quiet. An old-growth forest doesn’t care about the latest new thing and isn’t interested in the bells and whistles. There are no bullhorns in an old-growth forest. It’s a contemplative place where you can take the time to engage in deep thinking. It’s also an embodied place that recognizes and honors body wisdom.

When I am confident, I listen carefully and ask questions (even questions I don’t know the answers to). I take the time to think about what I want to say before I say it. I pause without feeling like I have to fill the silence. I am not intense when my passion shines through, and my energy is high. I don’t mind being challenged; such challenges don’t throw me into a tailspin or make me question everything I know to be true. Instead, challenges can help me gain a deeper understanding of the topic at hand. I feel no obligation to engage when someone challenges me rudely or disrespectfully.

Confidence is being present, in the moment, and accepting what is without having to be affected by what’s happening outside myself. Confidence is knowing that I can handle whatever comes my way, whenever it comes, because that’s what I’ve always done. The only twist is that now I’m handling it with more humor and detachment. I feel more powerful when I come from a place of inner peace and calm. No one can taint my joy. =)

I really liked this question: Is it possible that these ‘flaws’ are actually truths that could bring you a lot of comfort if you would just accept them?

SO. MUCH. TREASURE. HERE.

As the blackishly-rainbowed sheep of the family, my ‘flaws’ were constantly flung in my face. When I realized that those flaws weren’t ACTUALLY flaws… the Earth shifted for me.

I’m curious how many of you have found that to also be true?

Confidence looks like me doing things for my people from a place of care and knowing that I am truly supporting them. Confidence looks like going within and making decisions based on self-trust. Confidence looks like putting my stuff out there even when it feels weird or different. Confidence looks like getting clear about what makes me feel good and then doing that, rather than trying to “make people” like me or my offerings. Confidence looks like trusting that what I’m putting into the world is valuable and not relying on metrics out of my control to tell me if I’m worthy or not.

Confidence is peace for me. It feels safe. When I’m truly confident, I can handle challenges that come my way, and it’s easy to trust in myself and face them. When I’m confident, I don’t feel like I have to fix into a box and pretend to be someone that I’m not.

Dre…it was surreal to read your email because that’s exactly the journey I’ve been on for the past two years. Confidence is inner peace for me too. It is about knowing (deeply in my body, not just in my mind) that I have my own back – no matter what. Cultivating deeper and deeper levels of self-acceptance will continue to be my journey. It is the lens I now bring to all areas of my life – from business to parenting to relationships to money to food. It is powerful and magical and still a work in progress 🙂

Slightly late to the party .. I had a day yesterday (dealing with my lovely but computer inept mother)

My confidence is a work in progress after certain men in my life chipped away at it over the years, but they are gone now (1 left permanently the other 1 I divorced).

I’ve also recently had my diagnosis of ADHD at my bloody age I mean really! So I’m a neuro-spicy people pleaser with imposter syndrome and OCD.. honestly is a wonder i can get anything done.

*sighs in gen-x*

It is what it is.. I’ve accepted the fact I’ll have good days and bad days, on the bad days I set up an auto responder and just look after myself (usually committing war crimes in Diablo 4) but that’s why we aren’t corporate slaves we can take a personal day if we need it. They are getting less.. sometimes its just a personal morning I need to feel mentally prepared to get on with it.

I guess my inner peace has come from realizing I’m flawed but accepting and even embracing my flaws as they make me who I am (the imposter syndrome can suck my spirit d*ck though)

I’m catching up today from yesterday. But I love looking at confidence first. This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I have done a ton of work over the years and I’m still working and trying to run my business in a way that feels good to me. I am right in the middle of the extrovert/introvert end of things. But, being shy and not really loving plastering myself all over socials has stalled me in creating the business I dream about.

I decided a few months ago, that I was cutting thru all the BS, and I was going to focus on design, because its what I’m really good at. Then I can grow from there, and I would love to lean into things like Pinterest and Podcasting because those are more my speed. Attempting to run things the way others done has only paralyzed me from helping people. Time for me to FINALLY be me.

My confidence is knowing that my response to “just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD” and other barrier-type language getting thrown up in my face can always and will forever be:

“Yes, and just because I ‘CAN’T’ doesn’t mean I WON’T.”

My confidence is knowing, deep down in the bottom of the marrow of my bones, that every time I actually try something I will, in SOME way, succeed, even if my success doesn’t look like I planned/hoped/expected – because I. Will. Have. LEARNED. Something. And learning is never NOT useful.

I have a confidence flaw that exists in my mind that I haven’t been able to shake despite my expertise and contributions to my field of study being recognized in their own right by entities like the US Department of Labor and executives from Fortune 500 firms. It relates to “brand names” and “pedigree”. One of the reason Big 4 consulting firms like McKinsey say that they can charge a premium to their clients is because they hire grads from Harvard, Yale, etc. and some consider “brand name” and “pedigree” to be a proxy for quality even though the research in this area is very dubious. I fundamentally help companies predict and proact to the future competitive environment. The research in forecasting accuracy by scientists such as Philip Tetlock show that there is no correlation between brand name/pedigree and a person’s forecasting accuracy. Technique and cognitive thinking style are the only traits correlated with accurately making predictions about the future.

I didn’t go to a McKinsey or Gartner even though I had the opportunity to do that, and it is usually in the back of my mind when speaking to a kindred, “does this person think less of my expertise or service because I’m not associated with the McKinseys and the Harvards of the world?” Recently I audited the work of a Big 4 consulting firm for a kindred and they actually liked my work better, but this hasn’t erased this thought from my mind.

I’m curious to learn how other bar flies here have felt or thought through how they’ve positioned themselves against the “brand names” in their market and how they confidently navigate through this noise.

Just getting back to this. I’ve been trying to think it through.
Confidence for me is those days where I’m at least mentally wearing black leather and kicking down brick walls. I know what I bring to the table. I’m. I’m not afraid to tell you to take it or leave nor am I afraid to tell you why my “ideas” are better than yours. I’m quite snappy but I’m usually saying it with a smile because I’m happy. I KNOW what I’m talking about and you really should listen to me.
There are a lot of “other” days tho.
I’ve been looking through my calendar looking for the “leather” days but also was reminded of what a shit 18 months I’ve had. Family illness and my brother’s untimely death.
I’m also learning that a lot of my weirdness and “laziness” is adhd and I’m trying to navigate that as a 45 year old woman.
Most of my confidence issues stem from shits at school and on the bus. And honestly, I’m a whole grown ass woman and fuck them. But sometimes I still hear it. I was and still am a fat kid. Now I wear glasses sometimes. And I have a lazy eye. None of that makes early life easier. And internet trolls…well, sometimes they’re the brick walls Leather me is kicking the fuck down. (It’s also often made of the old white dudes I’ve worked for for so long. As they say, fuck the patriarchy!”
Which all leads into my “whys” for wanting this to work so badly.

Oh if I’d had THIS mouth, I’d have been kicked out of school 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Thanks, Dre. 😘

Thanks Crystal. I appreciate you. It’s definitely been rough. I lost probably my truest #1 fan but also #1 tormentor in one fell swoop. And the asshole left me alone to deal with my mom, who’s falling into Alzheimer’s.

But confidence. I’ve got that. I KNOW I’ve got that. Until I’m in a room full of people that I don’t know (or don’t know well) that I really need to chat with. Ugh. Then it’s high school feels all over.

My adhd is self-diagnosed. I don’t want to take stimulant meds because my BP is already high. So I’m slowly trying out assorted supplements. (Happy to chat privately sometime if you’d like)

Sounds like you’re definitely doing too much (IMHO) but it happens. Hopefully this is gonna help straighten and focus us both. Cheers!

Confidence is an elusive characteristic for me. I have been conditioned all my life to believe that being invisible and low-maintenance was a virtue. My subconscious has observed my surroundings with hyper-vigilance to know when I’d be better served by playing small rather than being myself. The few times in my life that I have felt confident is when I have felt safe to come out of my shell and be the bubbly, outgoing girl I am in those moments. Any other time that I have appeared confident, I was likely faking it.

The first five years of my exploration into my business was a facade. I was hiding behind a face so I could show up and pretend that I had my act together, but I was forcing myself so I could appear confident. This has gotten me nowhere. I spent those five years in deep anxiety and deficiency. I tried to force my creativity, force my personality, and force myself to appear how I believed I was expected to appear.

After a two-year hiatus, my whole world view has taken a 180. I’m beginning to deconstruct my experiences and expose my vulnerabilities to accept myself as I am, embrace myself for who I am, and explore the existing potential within myself as I allow my true self to bubble up to the service. I create my own sense of safety to truly show up for myself and the possibility that I have value for who I am and what I have to offer.