Just getting back to this. I’ve been trying to think it through.
Confidence for me is those days where I’m at least mentally wearing black leather and kicking down brick walls. I know what I bring to the table. I’m. I’m not afraid to tell you to take it or leave nor am I afraid to tell you why my “ideas” are better than yours. I’m quite snappy but I’m usually saying it with a smile because I’m happy. I KNOW what I’m talking about and you really should listen to me.
There are a lot of “other” days tho.
I’ve been looking through my calendar looking for the “leather” days but also was reminded of what a shit 18 months I’ve had. Family illness and my brother’s untimely death.
I’m also learning that a lot of my weirdness and “laziness” is adhd and I’m trying to navigate that as a 45 year old woman.
Most of my confidence issues stem from shits at school and on the bus. And honestly, I’m a whole grown ass woman and fuck them. But sometimes I still hear it. I was and still am a fat kid. Now I wear glasses sometimes. And I have a lazy eye. None of that makes early life easier. And internet trolls…well, sometimes they’re the brick walls Leather me is kicking the fuck down. (It’s also often made of the old white dudes I’ve worked for for so long. As they say, fuck the patriarchy!”
Which all leads into my “whys” for wanting this to work so badly.