Login › Support Lounge › The Sales Saloon › Day 2: Your Specialty Truth
- This topic has 35 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 4 weeks ago by Dre Beltrami.
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November 28, 2023 at 6:59 am #2128Dre BeltramiKeymaster
My biological clock started kicking in my early 30’s… when I was still a cog in the corporate machine.
I saw so many of my coworkers over the years have babies and return to work in 6 weeks. 😱
I didn’t judge them… or blame them.
Living in Silicon Valley is fucking expensive, and so is good child care.
But working all day and commuting for hours was a deal breaker for me.
I vowed not to have kids until/unless I was making 60% of my corporate salary selling my design services in my jammies.
That was the first ‘WHY’ I ever had.
My biggest mistake was never revisiting it.
I built my monthly income to 60% of my corporate salary (within 4 years)…
Green-lighted a baby + had a baby (within a year)…
And then I HAD A BABY.
No time.
No sanity.
No energy.
No fun money.
And eventually, no direction.
The only thing I was strategic about was getting uninterrupted sleep.
If there was an Olympics for that, I would have won gold in every event!
I just chased the paycheck farther and farther into a black hole of bad decisions.
It wasn’t until 6 years later when I green-lighted + lost my 2nd baby that I realized there was literally NO passion or purpose behind anything I was doing.
I was clocking in to get a paycheck… and the paychecks were lousy.
Everything I did just felt empty + pointless.
I got to a place where I HAD TO pull the emergency exit button on my business (in late 2021).
I didn’t want to make another decision (no matter how small or seemingly insignificant) until I knew WHY I was making it.
‘WHY’ started to be a big fucking deal.
WHY get outta bed?
WHY send an email?
WHY post on social media?
Was there a reason other than ‘maybe it’ll turn into a bigger paycheck’?
If not, fuck it! 👈Remember that place from yesterday??
Soooo, I focused all of my energy on figuring out IF I still wanted to be a SOLOpreneur and if so WHY?
I was open to the idea that maybe I was over it.
But what came up was this disconnect between what I was doing and WHY I was doing it.
I realized (or maybe, finally accepted) that I was in this whole online business thang to be a mom.
Sure I wanna make 10-15K a month (take home) but even more than that… I want my goddamn cake… and I want to eat it too.
I want the dream – the career and the kids.
I want to work when I can… and family when I want.
I want to make enough money to play Paw Patrol for hours without worrying about the work that’s piling up for me.
I want to check in + check out when I need to so I can be there for the unplanned moments called being a parent.
My SOLOpreneur dream is almost more about how much time I can make for my family as it is about how much money I can make for them.
Understanding all of this was another huge perspective shift for me.
✅ I went from lost AF about what to sell to having the courage to finally launch the branding bar that’s lived in my dreams for 6-7 years.
✅ I went from a rotation of 60-70 hour weeks + crippling burnout to 32 hours a week MAX and no burnout for over a year now (which is a first).
✅ I went from creating random AF offers (that bored me to death a quarter of the way through creating them) so I could drum up cashflow to flushing out a single offer/multiple revenue stream marketing + sales strategy.
✅ I went from having no boundaries or self-respect for my time to clocking the fuck out of my business for 3 FULL DAYS every single week – no emails, no Voxers, no Support Lounge… NO DRE unless you happen to exist in my personal life… and actually enjoying the hell outta my family + friends.
Everything about how I business, what I sell, and how much I charge has changed since I reconnected with my mom-laced ‘why’.
Because now I know + accept that I’m just a mom who wants to make money doing the shit I love, working with people I love, working 32 hours (or less) a week.
That’s why traditional employment is NOT an option for me.
I choose to be a company of ONE rather than get some kind of ‘9-5’ because I could never be the mom I am or have the autonomy I do if I wasn’t able to run the fucking show.
How about you?
Why are you choosing to be a SOLOpreneur rather than get a job?
Hit us with your truths… and or let us know where you’re losing yourself in your ‘why’?
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November 28, 2023 at 2:43 pm #2140Samantha WhiteParticipant
The Why i started for me was quite simple my corporate job was literally killing me. If you want the story I’m happy to share lol
The Why i still get out of bed and do what I do I suppose there are a number of things..
1) Financial independence for me paying off the mortgage etc (just not having to worry about money would be nice)
2) After so long there’s no way I could go back to the corporate world (not being able to work in my PJ’s till lunchtime is a dealbreaker)
3) I would like to get my mum into a nice retirement flat closer to me so I can look after herI’ve made some very poor ‘paycheck’ or desperation decisions over the years (an ecommerce website for £400 for example) red flags all over the place but i desperately needed some money.. he’s still a client on a monthly maintenance retainer.. though i never hear from him.. he might have died *shrugs*
I’ve changed the way I work now so there will be none of that, plus I know more now than I did all those years ago when he got a bargain website, people have to pay me for what I know not what I do going forward *puts foot down*
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November 28, 2023 at 3:49 pm #2143Vanessa RedfordParticipant
“People have to pay me for what I know not what I do going forward *puts foot down*” – I love that! <clapping hands in the air>
Like Maya Angelou says: “We know better, then we do better.”
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November 28, 2023 at 10:08 pm #2155Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I love that sentence too! People DO have to pay me for what I know not what I do… and they have to pay me upfront because I don’t work for free anymore! 💃🏽
The amount of money mindset baggage I’ve had to work through is INSANE. My self-respect was total garbage!
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November 28, 2023 at 3:45 pm #2142Vanessa RedfordParticipant
First, let me appreciate your candid and open share, Dre.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to me to be around a genuine soul like you that openly tells the truth – no fake niceness or quiet money references – you share boldly in all it’s glory.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.My why gained more clarity and aggressive action when I woke up one morning.
The first thought I had was “FUCK! Not again!!!” And I pulled the covers over my head.
I had no idea how long I’d been waking up to that thought, but I knew it’d been too long. I decided it was the last day I’d wake up hating my life and being ashamed of myself.
My big why was spawned from a personal ultimatum: to live on my terms or pull the plug.I chose to live on my terms: no fake niceness (the customer service face/voice, I call it), no more guilt, shame, or regrets. My no’s and yes’s were boldly expressed and equally important.
The hate I got for this big shift? I brushed them off my shoulders like the dandruff they are. Yuck and not worth my energy carrying them around.This personal revolution has become one of my biggest drivers/why’s in the coaching that I focus on. I’m here to help others create a life that they love waking up to.
I’m their wake up call.
It’s why I support my clients in embracing what they ACTUALLY, truthfully want in life – their version of “having it all” – no shame, no guilt, no regrets. Happy money, more time, and peace of mind.Beyond that, my why’s are pretty simple: to have mornings all to myself for coffee, puppy time, and whatever way I want to spend them. I love mornings now, because I made them mine, they work for me now. BEING present, literally and figuratively, for my 16 year old baby girl – that’s been priceless.
Another why: to be the Road Trip Dominatrix, whipping that asphalt with my GT! =D
Sending you all cheers and good vibes. Know that the vulnerability in your shares are held in appreciation.
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November 28, 2023 at 10:14 pm #2156Dre BeltramiKeymaster
Awwww, you’re so sweet for saying that!!!!! You have no idea how much it means to hear my stories matter – it’s so validating!! 🥰 ❤️ I could hug you so hard!!!
I’m standing on the arm of my sofa giving you a standing ovation… just THIS… all of THIS!!!
I feel the same about my 3-day weekend as you do about your mornings. I literally OWN them and I love them and they’ve put so much fucking joy back into my life. I didn’t know boundaries could taste good.
P.S. Road Trip Dominatrix… PLEASE DO THIS… I’m already 🤣🤣🤣… I’ll be your first subscriber.
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November 28, 2023 at 10:33 pm #2161Vanessa RedfordParticipant
=) Hugging you back!
Haha, if I ever take the road trip whipping public, I’ll let you know.
Asphalt Domination could be my hobby calling. <insert gif of Home Alone Macauley Culkin doing his eye brow raising thing>Asphalt Doms sounds like a cool car club LOL or maybe I’ll petition for patches and make it a moto club. Hmmm…the wheels are turning.
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November 29, 2023 at 1:55 am #2165Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I’m so going to be a founding member of that club and will happily beta-test the patches. 😆
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November 29, 2023 at 2:57 pm #2174Vanessa RedfordParticipant
=D You’re the best!
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November 29, 2023 at 6:12 am #2170Megan MatthewsParticipant
Om nom nom… yummy, yummy boundaries…
(Yes, I’m like this naturally. No drugs involved, not even caffeine. Whyever do you ask?) 😜🤣
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November 28, 2023 at 4:19 pm #2145Erica HolthausenParticipant
Frankly, I want my business to afford a simple life filled with good food, books, and time to think, write, and just be. I’d love to be debt-free. (I’m looking at you, student loans!) And I’d like to travel internationally once a year. (I can’t wait to get back to Mexico City!)
I’ve given up my solopreneur life in the past, so if I have to do it again, I know I can make it work. The hardest thing for me would be giving up the ability to bring my whole self to my work and to be learning and growing and stretching my capabilities constantly. I get bored easily, and so many jobs these days are just cogs in the machine.
This year, I didn’t make any paycheck-mentality-fueled decisions. I’ve made *a lot* of those in the past. And there was always a red flag present. Sometimes, that red flag was so big I could hardly see anything else. And yet, I ignored it.
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November 28, 2023 at 5:13 pm #2149Daniela UslanParticipant
I love that you want a life filled with good food, good books, and time to think, write and just be. That sounds heavenly. And I love your focus on learning, growing, and stretching your capabilities! That’s one of my favorite things about entrepreneurship, too!
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November 28, 2023 at 10:17 pm #2157Dre BeltramiKeymaster
A lady who knows WTF she’s in this for. I love this for you!!
It’s crazy how much our SOLOpreneur ventures reinforce out indentities isn’t it??
Cheersing you hard… here’s to NO paycheck-fueled decisions in the last year! That’s HUGE!!! 🥂💃🏽
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November 28, 2023 at 4:21 pm #2146Crystal SullivanParticipant
Welll… My why has always been to do what I want, when I want, with who I want!!!
But, it all started working in a toxic AF job for 12 years. I still am working a 9-5 but I had to get out of the toxic job to give me the time and energy to work on launching my business.
My husband works 3 jobs to support us so my first goal has been to make enough so he only needed to have one job and the one he enjoys that pays the least. Sad being a police officer is where he makes the least, but absolutely loves helping others.
But… my daughter has shifted my WHY these last few months. I am now in the gotta make this f*cking work now mentality. She has been struggling with anxiety and depression for years and recently tried to take her life, and therapy is expensive AF. So, my WHY has never been so strong and so pulling in my life. I want to be able to get her all the help she needs regardless of what it costs and the time I need. I ran over my time off allotment for this year because I took too many days off to help her. I don’t want this to be a stress in my mind.
BUT, I am also being conscious about trying to run my business so that I don’t feel desperate. I want everything to come from a state of peace and calm.
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November 28, 2023 at 5:11 pm #2148Daniela UslanParticipant
I’m so sorry to read about your daughter. That is so hard! I want you to be able to be there for her in all the ways that matter. I’m rooting for you!
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November 28, 2023 at 6:05 pm #2150Kristie AlersParticipant
Your story touches my heart… there’s no greater why than wanting to nourish and support the healing of another’s soul, let alone that soul belonging to your child. I’m praying for you and your family. You can do this!
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November 28, 2023 at 10:22 pm #2158Dre BeltramiKeymaster
Wow, that’s the biggest ‘why’ you can have as a parent. I’m so sorry she’s struggling so hard sweetie. I can’t even imagine what it feels like for you to watch her in so much pain. She’s so lucky to have a mom who’s so willing to fight for her. I’m sending you the biggest hug EVAH!!!
It’s beyond sad that your hubby has to work so fucking hard when he’s putting his life on the line.
I really hope you’ll keep sharing through out this theme party because I really want to know more about your business so I can help you ditch a bunch of those jobs as quickly as you can!
Please lean on me/us when you need, that’s what we’re here for! 🤗
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November 28, 2023 at 10:36 pm #2162Vanessa RedfordParticipant
Definitely count on me/us for support!
My daughter has been facing similar struggles.
I’m here for you <3 -
November 29, 2023 at 12:38 am #2164Crystal SullivanParticipant
Thank you everyone it’s been rough. I truly appreciate the support, it’s definitely much needed.
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November 28, 2023 at 5:10 pm #2147Daniela UslanParticipant
I have spent years feeling guilty for this, but here it is. I want to do what I want, when and how I want to do it. I want to be creative and make cool shit that people love. I want to build a thing that only I can build. I don’t want people telling me what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. I don’t want to be forced to do projects that bore me or don’t feel meaningful. I want to be able to travel or be with my daughter when I want to. I have a ton of skills and I want to use them as I see fit, not how anyone else wants me to use them.
And….I had a very traumatizing workplace bullying situation when I was a teacher in 2011. I loved being a teacher. I felt like it was my calling and it was devastating when I was bullied and then forced to resign, despite being a great teacher. I never want to feel like I am reliant on a bureaucratic or Capitalistic system to make ends meet. I never want to feel like I can lose everything because someone else “owns” my job.
I want to own my destiny and my day to day reality.
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November 28, 2023 at 10:24 pm #2159Dre BeltramiKeymaster
Guuuurrrllll, I couldn’t relate harder if I tried. I feel like a brat sometimes it’s sooooo all about what I want, when I want, how I want for me.
I’m realizing… we just know what we want. There’s nothing wrong with that!
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November 28, 2023 at 9:27 pm #2152Megan MatthewsParticipant
My Why for starting my business… I started it as a teeny tiny Saturday-to-Monday side hustle (that I thought was okay with my 9-to-5 boss until he flipped the script and claimed he never said that) because my 9-5 supervisor told me point-blank to “get out of here and start doing what you were actually trained for, before you lose your edge”. So I did – after several traumatic work experiences involving the toxic/gaslighter boss. I expanded my therapy private practice from side hustle to full time and I’ve never looked back.
My Why for getting up every day and still doing all this crazy “therapreneur” shit, is the clientele I’ve chosen to serve: the neurodivergent, LGBTQ+ folks who feel forced to twist themselves into pretzels to fit into a world that wasn’t built by or for people like them. They’re my Why, because I’ve been them. I *am* them. And I want to be the support for them that I never had for myself.
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November 28, 2023 at 10:28 pm #2160Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I love this! Your ‘why’ is powerful AF, that shit is straight from your soul. It’s so different than any kind of job, isn’t it? I wish I could describe where this kind of calling comes from… I’m working on it but it’s time we all talk about it. I talk a lot more about this tomorrow…
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November 28, 2023 at 10:43 pm #2163Vanessa RedfordParticipant
Can’t tell you HOW EXCITED I am that you’re offering support to neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ communities! This is so needed.
I have personal connections to both communities and I’m happy to offer support in anyway that would be beneficial.
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November 29, 2023 at 3:15 am #2168Yashi SrivastavaParticipant
So inspiring to read everyone’s stories and whys! Thank you all for sharing. I definitely feel less alone in my pursuit of what I want, when I want it, and who I want it with 🙂
Like many of you, I worked in corporate for a number of years. I actually liked my job for the most part but every now and then I’d have this feeling that I was meant to do something else with my life.
In 2012, I had a personal crisis that led to a bit of a spiritual awakening. That led me to study the topic of happiness in great detail. First informally, and then I spent a year formally studying positive psychology. I also got my coaching certification around this time. This was early 2016.
At this point, I would have happily taken another 9-5 if I could land a job that let me do what I wanted to do: apply positive psychology and coaching.
But that was not meant to be.
So, I became what I thought of as a “reluctant entrepreneur.”
BUT, after 7+ years of doing this, my reluctance has melted away. I love being a solopreneur and there’s no way I am going back to a 9-5 in the near future.
While my initial why for starting a business was to get to do what lit me up, my why has evolved since then. Here’s what drives me to stay a solopreneur:
– The freedom and flexibility to do what I want, when I want it, with who I want it. To live with balance.
– The ability to be there for my family in a way 9-5 couldn’t even come close to (Dre – I can pretty much copy paste all the “mom-life” stuff you mentioned in your post here. I have always dreamed of being the mother I wish I had had and so giving motherhood my best is one of the KEY factors that drives me.)
– Opportunities to spend a majority of my working time on stuff I’d be doing in my personal time anyway (self-improvement, personal growth, effective parenting etc.) I love how investing in my own learning and growth and evolution DIRECTLY impacts what I can bring to my clients.
– The variety of tasks I can take on if I want to: from writing to coaching to teaching/training to facilitating to speakingSometimes, I think about what I would be doing if I had all the money I’d ever need. It boils down to three things:
1. Work on my own learning, growth, and evolution – especially as a parent
2. Share what I know with a motivated, eager audience (in different formats that I choose based on how I am feeling, but writing would be a consistent one)
3. Travel to see the natural beauty around the world-
November 29, 2023 at 6:07 am #2169Megan MatthewsParticipant
Oh man. You bring up a very different question; and yet in a way I feel like it’s kinda the same question but in a MUCH larger font size, and in bold type.
If I had all the money I’d ever need…
#1: Send my mom enough money, regularly enough, that she’d never have to worry about how much it costs to live in a Florida condo EVAH AGAIN. (Stupid gougey homeowner’s association fees, grrrr…)
#2: Pay off my soul-sister’s house (and her financial debt to her toxic relatives, ugh).
#3: Pay off my mortgage and student loans.
#4: Offer administrative jobs in my practice to all my closest and most beloved ones, so those who wished to could escape the 9-5 toxic-workplace “good little cog in the machine ’til you die” Venus flytrap. -
November 29, 2023 at 2:55 pm #2173Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I la la loooove hearing your story of evolution, sweetie!! From reluctant to totally owning it, I can’t even imagine everything you’ve gone through during this process.
You sound firmly in a ‘why’ that’s driving you.
Thanks for sharing!!
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November 29, 2023 at 8:40 pm #2179Suzanne WynnParticipant
I second how helpful Dre’s shares are. But I also sometimes feel like a “me too!” Copycat lol. Perhaps I just wanna BE Dre? 😘
My why’s are all over the board but I’ve realized they all stem from mostly wanting to help others. I want to adopt all the dogs and All the kids. I want to retire my husband because his thankless, BS job is wearing him out mentally and physically every day and it makes me feel so helpless. Same with my mom. We’re headed down the Alzheimer’s road and I’d give anything to take she and I to Tuscany. She turned 80 in June. I’m literally on borrowed time and still $25k in debt.
But I also want to travel and have a super cute house that’s not in need of repair. I also have my own health issues so some days I ain’t getting out of bed. I need a life that respects that.
Also these 4 current rescue pets are expensive AF.
Fuck going back to working for some old dude who believes in bootstrapping things and wants to tell me what my schedule is. Also, fuck getting up at 4 am for the privilege of his paycheck.
I have numerous regrets. Mostly buying those new, shiny programs and exclusive memberships that practically guaranteed my success but really, only added to my guilt from buying things I’ll never use. And while I’m at it, fuck Mastermind groups. I didn’t do sororities in college. I sure AF don’t need one now.
Damn, that got mad. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and money with nothing to show and still no idea what I’m doing-
November 30, 2023 at 9:24 pm #2216Dre BeltramiKeymaster
Your not a copycat… you’re. a kindred. That’s the difference between a kindred and just any ol’ customer. 😘
Plus, you don’t want to be me… I can’t even catch a tiny bird that flew into my wood stove. But I did call someone to save it. 🥳
I’m so sorry you fell victim to those programs + BS too. It really only does so much more damage than good to us.
You sound pretty damn clear on WHY you’re in this. Do you feel like the big boulder in the front is WHAT you want to do for a living?
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November 30, 2023 at 9:53 pm #2225Suzanne WynnParticipant
Well, I don’t WANT to have to do anything lol. But no one’s gonna pay me to sit on my ass and ready dark, dirty romance novels all day so 🤷♀️
I’m moving away from voiceover because I love audio. I love writing the scripts because so many people are so bad at it. It’s the part I miss from radio. I heard myself going on and on about one day and felt like a big ole nerd but also wondered why I wasn’t chasing more of it.
So…yes …until I find something that I love that pays well lol-
November 30, 2023 at 9:58 pm #2228Dre BeltramiKeymaster
🤣🤣🤣
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November 30, 2023 at 12:35 pm #2190Susan ShangleParticipant
For me at 65 it’s all about feeling productive, valued and appreciated.
It was a little scary to realize that my young filly that was just born in September will probably outlive me.
I also get great satisfaction from supporting others to succeed through systems and coaching, sharing all the things I’ve learned while on this journey we call life.With 37 years of sobriety I did a lot of this work in my healing journey – I am unapologetically me.
I talk loudly and quickly. I speak my mind, tell the hard truths and really have never given a shit about what others think of me. I’ve chosen the contrarian path most of my adult life (after the alcohol was removed).Why did I decide to give up the life of do what I want, when I want and how I want?
To give back to the cannabis industry and small business owners everywhere the freedom that I’ve enjoyed.
Watching from afar what’s happened around the world in the past few years has made me appreciate even more what I have.This all sounds super sweet and lovely – AND the downside is that I don’t have the pressing urgency that I need to really make it happen. This means I often fall into procrastination and inaction. My fear of getting it wrong can paralyze me at times. I didn’t post from day one, but those “flaws” have been with me a long time.
My why now is partially about earning what I’m worth so that I can add the luxuries without a second thought. A barn for my horses, a PC to replace my decade old machine, a greenhouse to reliably supply most of my own food, a new vehicle when my 7 year old one finally dies and a special 25 year anniversary trip to Antarctica.
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November 30, 2023 at 9:27 pm #2217Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I love how unapologetic you are, lady!! And those are solid ass ‘whys’.
Have you unpacked where that ‘fear of getting it wrong’ comes from… so you can start to find comfort in it?
It’s such draining, soul-searching work but turning those into truths will make all the difference.
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November 30, 2023 at 9:53 pm #2226Suzanne WynnParticipant
Well, I don’t WANT to have to do anything lol. But no one’s gonna pay me to sit on my ass and ready dark, dirty romance novels all day so 🤷♀️
I’m moving away from voiceover because I love audio. I love writing the scripts because so many people are so bad at it. It’s the part I miss from radio. I heard myself going on and on about one day and felt like a big ole nerd but also wondered why I wasn’t chasing more of it.
So…yes …until I find something else that I love that pays well lol -
December 8, 2023 at 10:28 pm #2289Jodi ChaffeeParticipant
I keep coming back to the hope that I am doing this because I hope that I can somehow catch a break and I’ll be able to allow my family to be financially secure, allow my husband to quit his job, be location independent, and model success for my kids.
As I deconstruct my beliefs further, I realize that a lot of my motivation stems from a lifetime of internalizing the mobility myth as I watched my dad jump from MLM to MLM all my life hoping for his big break, while exerting minimal effort in his day job, and having zero intention toward cultivating mastering in his little side hustles. This pervasive narrative was perpetuated in my adulthood as I listened to guru after guru peddle their lies about having the answer to make a million dollars and finally get free of the rat race. Their narrow definition of success was reinforced by telling the stories of the one or two people who actually (maybe) benefited from their offer.
Yet, because I was gullible and desperate, I listened. They reinforced the narrative I’d heard all my life that with enough effort anyone could succeed, no matter their background. I wanted to believe this desperately because so far, the rat race wasn’t doing much for me financially.
I’ve had to learn to broaden my definition of success, let go of my perfectionism, and learn to embrace the ups and downs of failure. I persist in the hope that I will be able to overcome my insecurities and learn the art of mastery of a skill, of a knowledge that I can deeply and truly share that will benefit myself and others.
My true ‘why’ is really that I have to see this thing through. I’ve come so far, and I need to know how my story ends. It can’t end here. I’m not finished figuring out what success looks like for me or for my family. I still want to figure out how to raise healthy, successful kids. I have learned to reexamine what that success looks like, and my hope is that I can simply begin to unravel the possibility that success is in the means, not the ends.
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December 11, 2023 at 7:33 pm #2292Dre BeltramiKeymaster
I hear you, sweets! On everything. I relate so hard with your ‘why’.
If only we could see ourselves the way our biggest fans do! You already have soooo much mastery on your topic. When you talk about family culture, I’m glued to every word you say. You explain things I’ve been unable to explain myself. You make me feel normal about things that make me feel broken. I’m so proud of you for continuing to do the work (which is EXHAUSTING) because people like me want MORE YOU!!! ❤️
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