The thing I couldn’t help coming back to until about a year ago was writing.
I have always loved writing and have spent over a decade in inner turmoil about how I want to write and want to share what I write but what if I am not good enough and I don’t have anything new to say and what if no one reads what I write and blah, blah, blah.
Thankfully, almost exactly a year ago, I put that inner chatter to rest. FOREVER.
It took me working with a spiritual teacher + consolidating everything I knew about living a happy, fulfilling life to get there. But I am here now and writing is going to happen. No questions.
BUT – it has to be writing I want to do – not on someone else’s terms. AND, at a deeper level, I know that I don’t want writing to be the ONLY thing I do.
The thing I deeply care about – for which writing has always been an awesome tool – is to live well. To go in directions I am being called to – even if they don’t make sense to anyone else. To be who I truly am, even if no one else gets me. To fulfill my soul’s desires. To live a life that in the end, I look back and say, wow. That was incredible and if I have to go back and change something, there wouldn’t be a thing I’d want to change because each experience taught me something valuable and made me the person I was meant to be. To live life on my own terms and have no regrets.
Until a year ago, not writing and sharing what I learned would have been my biggest regret.
Now, staying small seems like what I would regret.
The big question for me is, how do I play big on my own terms – retaining the freedom and the life I’ve created but without trading time for money – which is what I currently do.